Here's Tyler's 2007 Santa photo:

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all our family and friends, we hope you had a lovely day. Ours was reasonably quiet. Tyler amazingly slept till 8am and then launched into his Santa Sack with gusto. He took all his booty into the lounge where Chris said "There are more presents under the tree." "Wow!" said Tyler "Really? How cool!".

Later in the morning Tyler and I went over to Mum's with the Howards and we all swapped gifts. Tyler's favourite seems to be his mock sword from the Howards, but he is also very much taken with a gift from Granna and Richard, which is a magnetic-paged book with various streets on which cutouts of various types of trucks, and heavy machinery can be placed. It is lovely watching him move them around, making the appropriate noises and telling a story about them out loud.

We had the traditional turkey with gravy and/or cranberry sauce with new potatoes and mint from our garden. We picked up Anton late afternoon and had more turkey with salad and new potatoes again for tea, followed by plum pudding with custard and cream. Chris is working night shift tonight so Tyler and I are having a quiet night in - he watching his new 'Thomas' DVD and me reading a new Dean Koontz (thanks Howards!)

Tomorrow we are having a Howard/McLeod/Parsons lunch at Mum's.

Isn't it funny how one day your life can be going along happily, and then BAM!! something just comes out of left field and leaves you reeling.

On Saturday, Chris and I went along to the local ultrasound clinic for a scan of our baby to confirm dates. We had only told close family that I was pregnant. So there I was lying on the table and heard the words "I'm sorry folks, the news is not good". It was as if my life suddenly developed this huge crack in it, so that one side was my happy shiny life and on this side, one split-second later was a black void. We were told that there was no heartbeat and that it looked as if the baby had died one week before. I should have been 8 weeks pregnant. Instead I had a dead baby inside me.

So what that I am 44 and the risk of miscarriage is higher? So what that we already have a beautiful little boy? So what that 'it must have been for a reason'? All of that is utterly and completely irrelevant. We wanted THIS baby.

I am so lucky that I have such a wonderful man as Chris to get me through this hateful blackness. And Helen and Mum who know the power of family love. And my friends Rachel, Alania, Kate & Ruth who have reached out with words and hugs and love.

As I write this I am waiting to miscarry. I am torn between wanting this dead baby out of me and not wanting to let it go.

RIP little 'Leo'. Maybe your soul will return to us in another form.

Graduation Day!

SIT graduation today and I am glad I went, despite having to wear one of those daft trenchers. It didn't fall off and I didn't trip going up or down the stairs to the stage so that's a bonus. We got to do the procession through town even though there was light rain. And because SIT is fighting the issue of decreased funding in a very feisty way, there was a big item early on the 6pm TV news and there I was!! Well for two seconds anyway.

Santa Claus is comeing to town

December is here and we just put up the the Christmas tree. This is Tyler 'helping' me. He didn't quite grasp the point of the little loops at the top of each ornament so just kept nestling each one in the branches. But he had a lot of fun and that's what matters. Here's the finished product. The angel at the top is a special one Mum gave me - it is singing :)